By William Wittreich - May 2018
Being alone can be both comforting and frightening, depending on the circumstances of the moment. Some people seek solitude, while others gravitate toward human interaction. Having moments of solitude after a frenetic period of contact can be refreshing. Everyone needs a little “me” time. But if all you have is “me”, and there is little or no “us”, then there is a problem.
During human history, people relied on one another to survive. Everyone in a family, a clan or troop lived and moved together, seldom leaving each other’s sides. There was safety in numbers, and working together they were able to achieve much more than they would have been able to accomplish alone.
Even in the more recent history, families lived together, often for financial reasons, but also for their innate sociological dependency on support from others. It is a fairly recent trend for people to live alone, not as a luxury or privilege, but as an accepted norm. Women in particular have a new found freedom in living alone, looking now on this freedom as an entitlement rather than a privilege.
A person does not need to be physically alone to be psychologically alone. A recent trend is for people to listen to music, or just stare at their phone, while walking, riding in a bus, or just sitting in a crowd. These people are creating an artificial barrier to interaction with others, effectively secluding themselves. It is sometimes easier to recede into self-imposed isolation rather than be forced to interact with people they may not be interested in.
The use of social media has exacerbated the move toward solitude. Interacting with others through Facebook, Twitter or Instagram may feel like a human connection, when in fact people are creating artificial connections while avoiding actually interacting with others. These platforms have also provided a megaphone for people that would not otherwise speak up. They may speak anonymously, or with the virtual protective veil of the Internet shielding them from their audience, often communicating messages that they would not say if they were face to face with real people.
Businesses have also made it easier to be alone. On-line shopping is an obvious harbinger of a world where people do not need to interact with others to buy clothing, food, entertainment or even cars. Even banking is welcoming the virtual customer, with check deposits now being accepted through phone-based apps. The once friendly teller that you were forced to chat with when you made your deposit is now a thing of the past.
The nefarious side to this isolationist trend can be the fostering of psychosis, anger and resentment. A lone teenage boy who plays video games the better part of his waking day is flooding their brain with altered images that have little or no ties to the real world. Their lack of human interaction means they are not getting any checks and balances to counteract what slowly becomes an alternative reality. Being socially maladjusted and isolated are two supporting factors leading to criminal behavior and violence.
Is there a way that society can encourage interaction? Were there not social clubs in the past organized just for that reason? For children, it starts with their parents. Moody teenagers have been the bane of parenting forever, but has it gradually become more accepted to let children be alone? It is easier to avoid parenting than to exert influence where there is only resistance. But influencing and encouraging a child to interact with the immediate family, friends and others out in the world is essential to healthy psychological development.
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