by William Wittreich - May 2021
Aretha Franklin famously sang about her desire to get some respect from her man. Just a little bit of respect. She was not asking for love or money, just respect. What an interesting baseline for a relationship.
Or Rodney Dangerfield seeking respect from everyone and anyone? No more needs to be said.
Respect is a “feeling of deep admiration for someone or something elicited by their abilities, qualities, or achievements”. So, it appears that for one person to respect another, they need to witness, observe and/or understand the abilities, qualities, or achievements related to the other. At a first meeting, with no prior knowledge of another person, it seems like it would take a while to find that deep admiration. But there are other factors that come into play within the interaction of humans that do, or should, elicit immediate respect.
What initially comes to mind is appearance. Humans are very sensitive and cognizant of other’s appearance, with good looks, fine clothing and cultured mannerisms providing signals for respect. A person can have little or no accomplishments in their life, with limited mental capacity, but if they look good, they get immediate respect. That is just human nature, with no judgement as to whether it is good or bad.
Second to appearance then comes intelligence. If a person is not particularly good looking, but perceptively smart, they will command respect. Since ascertaining intelligence is harder that good looks, it might take longer for someone to get that respect from another person. And there is always the potential for disrespect depending on how intelligence is communicated. The person that announces that they are the smartest person at the party will probably get a negative reaction, versus the person that exhibits their intelligent through normal conversation.
So, if you are good looking and modestly intelligent, you’ve got it made.
Being intelligent can also relate to personal wealth, as some of the smartest people work on Wall Street, or are the CEOs of companies. Being good looking is not a prerequisite for wealth, with even intelligence not being required. There are many people that inherited a fortune and live a life of leisure that is respected by others. Money does rule, as we all aspire to have as much of it as we can, and are envious, and respectful of those that have more than we do.
It is the trifecta to be good looking, intelligent and rich. Some serious respect happens here.
In many cultures, age inherently commands respect. This is not as prevalent now as it was back in the days when living past 50 was unusual. With average life spans now going into the 80s and 90s, there are many older people around, with some lacking any great wisdom or experience into their later year. So, age no longer commands the respect it used to. In fact, there are some biases toward age that trigger disrespect.
Again, if you are good looking, intelligent and rich, then age will probably not be a deterrent to being respected.
This discussion so far has focused on human perception between individuals, with some observations being automatic, and others being earned. Getting to know someone, and their accomplishments, will build respect over time. Or, in reverse, getting to know someone may decrease your respect for them because some of the external factors like appearance, intelligence or wealth are offset by personal attributes that devalue those factors.
It is safe to say that someone’s profession is a direct path to respect. Profession and success often go hand in hand, so if you are the CEO of a company, it is assumed you make significant amounts of money. Or, if you are a doctor, it is assumed that you are intelligent. No additional information is needed for respect to be implied.
Where this has led us is to an examination of the role of police officers in society, and how they are respected, or disrespected by the populous. This article is being written in May of 2021, right in the middle of a major movement in government to refine the role of policing, along with the rights and powers provided to police officers. There is a racial aspect to this discussion, with people of color gaining a voice that they have never had. The degree of change that will result is still in question, as police unions and their supporters have significant power, and they have little incentive to change the status quo. Time will tell what the results will look like.
Much of the current discussion about police reform is centered around what is considered excessive force. There have been a number of recent deaths at the hands of police officers that have resulted from excessive force, which can be simplified to force that was not warranted in the moment, or an overreaction. This can be highly subjective, because there are so many factors that come together in such a situation. Policing is very difficult, and police officers are human beings, which are inherently flawed, so there is unique mix of circumstances that even a routine traffic stop can present. This discussion does not intend to minimize the complexities of those situations.
What does seem to be a consistent theme here is the role that respect plays in policing. Each of us has some level of respect for the police, varying from our appreciation for their role in keeping our society safe, to our fear of being suppressed in some way. It is a broad observation that there is too little of the former and too much of the latter. Particularly with people of color, there is too much suppression, leading to a lack of respect from the other side.
As was previously stated, police officers are human beings, and as such they can get their feelings hurt. That may be a simplistic statement, but when it really comes down to the fundamentals, being disrespected can be upsetting and make a person angry; so angry in fact that they may overreact to a situation, potentially causing harm or even death.
What is often not shown when a video surfaces of a police abuse situation is what happened before the abuse. I would bet money that the majority of the time the person that is being retained is being disrespectful of the police officer. So disrespectful in fact that they may be yelling obscenities and personal insults at the officer. I don’t know about you, but it would only take a minute or two of that and I would have my taser out ready to inflict some pain. That is probably why I would not make a good police officer.
But even the people that have had years of training in how to deal with these types of situations have their limits. They may be entering a situation with the perception that wearing a uniform, carrying a gun, and having all the powers vested to a police officer inherently demands respect. Then all that goes down the drain when they realize that the person they are facing sees none of that, and if they do, they despise the officer for all of what he or she values.
There has been some interesting commentary recently about what kind of reforms will make the police force more responsive, possibly proactive, and less reactive. The Rev. Pat Robertson observed that reform of the police department must start with the recruitment process. What an astute assessment. If you recruit aggression people who are seeking power through being a police officer, then it is only a matter of time before overreaction comes into play and excessive force results. Or, if you recruit ex-military people who crave the use of their weapon and the rush of battle, then a battle eventually happens. So, getting the right people is an important start.
Coming back to the beginning of this discussion, there are some qualities that a person can present that will command immediate respect, including appearance, intelligence and wealth. We can give police wearing a uniform points for appearance, and one would assume that a person must be relatively intelligent to be a police officer. Wealth is not a factor here, so two of those three is a good score. But that is just the first impression. What happens after that is purely human interaction, and there can be much variation between individuals and their responses to various situations.
If one individual holds power over another, for whatever reason, but chooses not to exercise that power, that commands respect. If they over-exercise that power, then the reverse happens and disrespect results.
Woody Allen famously stated that 90% of life is showing up. I would contend that the opposite is true for police officers, with 10% of their life being showing up, and the remaining 90% in what happens after that.
---------------------------
Please send comments on this article to william@wwittreich.com.